You know how sometimes you feel like nobody's there for you, you're all alone by yourself?
No one fcuking cares about whether you're alive or not?
well, i feel this way all the time.
Even though I have a bf, and "friends" here..
I know whether they're real or not when in times of need.
I have a couple of friends here and cousin, whom I can bitch to and talk about everything when I'm down...and of course my best friends from Singapore..
Lincoln, Shaun, Bao, Xinyi.
till this very day, even though I've been in canada for 3 years now.
for almost 7 years, they've been with me.
they pretty much saw me thru life.
They know how I am and know how to deal with me
They're ALWAYS there for me, laugh with me when I'm happy, console me when I'm sad...
I really THANK GOD for bringing them into my life.
I start deviating from those who aren't real, those who only hangs out with you during times they're in need and you're there for them.
I then start to think about everything else in life.
Like "What am i going to do when i graduate? Can i go to grad school? If not what am i going to do with my human bio and math degree? Will i be able to give my parents a good life like how they did for me? I love my parents and i really don't want to disappoint them."
"I'm not doing well enough in school, in life... Sex appeal getting from bad to worse..." The thoughts of me failing in life comes rushing like crazy.
After being independant and living alone in Canada, I've realise that life isn't that simple after all.
Friends come and go. Lovers can be enemies the next day. There is no one who is able to help you get what you want in life other than yourself.
I once fell sick( REALLY SICK like 39.6deg C fever) all alone in the room, couldn't even get up to call for help or get food or medicine. Like i collapsed once i tried to walk. No one was there but MYSELF.
I once had no money with me, was out in the cold(-dunno what),almost died from walking, I was there to fight it MYSELF.
When I have problems, although I bitch to my close friends about it, they tell me what to do but in the end, I make the decision MYSELF. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance. but if they don't change, they don't deserve a 3rd. My prinicipal.
For me, I hate to show my vunerable side to people. I cry when I'm by myself. I hate to cry in front of my mom, my dad, my best friends. Cos I know they'll feel my pain too. There was once, I locked myself in my room for days, cried till my thoart was sore, eyes were swollen. When I finally allowed my mom into the room, she cried as badly as me. From that day onwards, I knew the meaning of LOVE. You feel the pain they're feeling and wish that the pain could be on you instead of them.
You know how sometimes you have to fake a smile even though it's the shittest day of your life? People think that you're fine, but only the people who knows you best CAN TELL how you're feeling.
You TRULY know a girl, when you understand things she DON'T say.
I think I can do better than what I'm doing now. but I'm not going to regret the things I've done.
Good or bad, they're experiences I should learn from. Change for the better, burQq. I'm here for you!
